so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
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They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
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This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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