I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
