he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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