Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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