she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
