I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
