i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
