I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
