Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
