The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
