R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
