I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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