Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
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Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize