i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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