Life is so much better after having sex.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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