He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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