Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
