I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
