you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
