I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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