9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize