I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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