I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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