make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
