Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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