just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
