Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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