So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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