she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Boobs speak an international language.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
