Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Randomize
