Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
