Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
