so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
