Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
even my farts smell like vagina
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
