Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
