Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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