just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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