If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
