Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
