Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
