no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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