I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
