so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
babies were throwing up all over the place
you would pick up someone in the library
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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