i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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