yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
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Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
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You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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