and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
