you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
