i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
