is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
