Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
