his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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