What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
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Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
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I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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