She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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