Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
