By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
