it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
