Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
