either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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