so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
