Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He felt like a one man threesome
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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