We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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