I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
ttyl tear gas
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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