bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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