im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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