I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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