Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
