it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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